a + c palmer

We are sitting at Starbucks together. You are 6 days old. I am rocking you with my foot, as you sit in your car seat. We are waiting for your mom to get her massage next door. You are sleeping, completely at peace with the world. I am reflecting on the past week and how you have helped me feel more alive.

A week ago, your mom and went to the hospital to meet you. She was feeling like it was time to meet you. She was right, but it took over 38 hours to finally meet you. I will never forget that feeling of excitement as we heard you cry for the first time.

At the moment of your birth, you seemed scared, relieved, and happy at the same time. Scared to be entering a new world. Perhaps you have been here before, but even then it has probably changed a lot. Relieved to be done with the stressful birth process. Happy to be meeting your mom, who so beautifully raised you for the past nine months. I hope you were happy to meet me too; I was the voice in the background trying the help your mom through the stress and the same voice who read the stories over the past nine months. To be honest, I was feeling the same scared, relieved, and happy at your moment of birth.

People told me that your birth would change my life, but I didn’t really believe them. I was so excited to meet you, but I had no idea how profoundly you would affect me. It was like an instantaneous shift in perspective. Suddenly, you became my priority – my highest focus and source of energy. It feels as if your birth is my rebirth.

For the past week, you are keeping us in the moment. Presence is the ultimate goal and you are helping me find it. All my other worries have faded into the background, because you are my priority. Your mom and I have attended to your every need. It feels good to have a purpose, to feel helpful, helping you find comfort.

It feels surreal that you are finally here. I am so excited for the coming years with you. You are already teaching me so much and helping put everything into perspective. Your smile lights up the room. Your snuggles calm me down. Your presence is the greatest gift I could ever ask for. I love you.

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